you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
