the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
