She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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