Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
