god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Randomize
