I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
