I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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