Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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