it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
