i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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