Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
