there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
