Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
