so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
