This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
