It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
