Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
