one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
