i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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