he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
