So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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