he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
