We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
