so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
