Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
