I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
