When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
