Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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