I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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