I am in a vortex of obligation.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
