i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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