as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
tell me about the eggs
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
