For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize