I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
