I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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