She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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