Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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