Moan for me like Helen Keller
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
