I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
