Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So much rum. So many feels.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
