i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
