somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
