I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
