i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
