I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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