Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
