You made me cry and you don't even care
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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