Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize