You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize