either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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