I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
