I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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