Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
