You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
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