Apparently you make a good broom.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
