hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
