The maid of honor just puked.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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