and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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