She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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