Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
