i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
