I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
