is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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