Just took my morning after pill in the library
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I have aggressive nipples.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
