some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
