She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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