i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
