So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
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