Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
